Is A Relationship With Married Men Right Or Wrong?

Is A Relationship With Married Men Right Or Wrong?
Studio shot of wedding rings

Indeed, the question of the ages. Relationship with married men is a common phenomenon within the gay community, especially in intolerant countries like Nigeria. In their attempt to fit into the so-called societal norm, they live their life living in darkness. These married men are in hell, bound from not being who they are for fear of discrimination and injustice.

In other to calm their bursting mind, to retain some atoms of sanity, they have gay lovers outside their home. After an intense day in the office, or perhaps a heated argument at home, it is only in the arms of a gay lover do they find solace. The pretense and depression are so overwhelming that a gay man becomes their only savior. When such is missing, depression starts looming around.

But then again, is such a relationship wrong? From a moral and religious standpoint, it is a hideous act. What makes this relationship morally wrong is the fact that someone is hurt in the process. The wife of the married man is hurt. The children are affected by such an undisclosed association directly and indirectly. Not only is the married man making marital mistakes that could lead to a broken marriage, but his gay lover is also in a worse situation. A relationship that leads to nowhere but break-up!

Why Do People Date Married Men?

Financial Benefits

When it comes to dating married men, the first common reason is usually finance. However, this acts as a double-edged sword, harming both parties in the end. The married man loses the money he should use for home upkeep, while the gay lover harbors a dangerous mentality that he can only make money through such an ill means. Starting legitimate businesses that spew in capital becomes a daunting task.


There is this misconception that married men are awesome in bed. Well, it might be right. However, that is an insane excuse judging by the harm done. Not only is the married man’s attention diverted from home, but you also embark on a journey with no destination. A relationship built on pleasure alone is bound to hit the rock. It doesn’t always end well.


As funny as it might sound, love can be the reason. There have been numerous situations whereby two gay lovers got separated after a marriage with a lady, only to reconnect later in life. They love each other but dare not speak up for fear of society. But is that an actual excuse to indulge in this? Any relationship that doesn’t lead to both parties getting married in the future is a waste of time. Do you want to waste your time?

The way forward

If you are yet to be married, you have a promising future ahead of you. Though Nigeria is yet to legalize gay marriage, there is no cage. There are lots of gay-friendly countries where you can fall in love and start a family of your own. Relationship with a married man is like a journey without a destination. If finance is your motive, you are doing more harm to your mindset. You can work. You can make money. You have all it takes.

As a married man, there is no cage, either. There are numerous stories of married men with kids who later came out and embraced their rainbow nature. But before doing that, make sure the circumstances are right. If you can’t, please stick to your wife and make that marriage work. If you can’t walk away, then make it work. If not for anything, at least for the sake of your kids.

What do you think about a relationship with married men?


Written by 

LGBTQNigeria is an LGBTQ advocacy media platform that aims at being a voice when there is none. If you are a member of the rainbow community, this is a home to be.

What do you think?